Thursday, January 26, 2006

Finding my place at Home

It's true that North America is cold, but thankfully it has not been as cold as I feared, as I dreaded it would be as I contemplated moving home. Sometimes I feel like I lead a charmed life because God always tends so sweetly to the little things in my life such as keeping me from the cold. Last week, I basked in my friend's sunny and warm appartment in Vancouver and received word that back on the farm, the windchill was reaching heinous temperatures of perhaps minus fifty Celsius. I was so thankful to be where I was.

So perhaps you wonder where I am . . . and all I can say is that I am wherever I am. The nomadic temperament that somehow made its home in me has not relented from keeping me on the move. I have received some almost rude emails from some of you, chiding me on neglecting to write on this blog. I am touched that people actually read this, but even more touched because I know that if you bother to even check this blog a few times a year, I must hold some kind of spot in your heart. There are many people in my heart, and chances are, you are one of them.

Where has the time gone? The last three months of my life have been beautiful and frustrating and joyous and exciting and boring and in many ways, completely wonderful. The future still stretches before me like a dense fog that never goes away on little cat feet. Yet, in the strange way that must make sense to some of you, I am confident that I am where I am supposed to be. And for the majority of that time, I have been in Frontier, my village in the middle of nowhere in the grassy plains of Saskatchewan where I used to know everyone's dog and pickup. I say "used to" because contrary to popular belief, things do change in small towns. When I go to a public function, I arrive a little flustered because I no longer know who is there because I no longer recognize vehicles.

Whenever I am home on Sundays, you'll find me at Bethel Lutheran Church on Main Street where generations of my family have worshiped and served God and I myself was nurtured and taught to love him. I am so easily distracted while there because of all the changes. Babies have become children and children have become adults and the pillars of my youth have become old men. Community people who I've always known are now part of my church family. Childhood friends are married and beginning their families. And I thank God for sustaining our village.

I've tried my best to leave this tiny place and the tender comfort of my parent's never-quite-empty nest. A few things routinely prevent me: my penchant for wandering (and therefore very conscious fear of being "too" settled), a handful of computers which all choose not to work when I need them (I had to pull out my ancient Toshiba laptop one afternoon when four other computers had fell through on me! How can I write a resume or apply for jobs if I am in computer poverty?), the joy of being around friends and my too precious family again, and finally, my dog Radar.

Whenever I return home, our Sheltie will wag his day and follow me around non-stop for a day or two. To say our family loves him puts it mildly. We have entered that realm of doglovers that the rest of the world finds pathetic. We catch ourselves monopolizing conversations by telling disinterested people all about Radar. Since I've been home, the poor guy has experienced health problems resulting in operations on both eyes and his rear end. I've been the official dog nurse, driving him to appointments, holding him while his eyes and bum were violated, cleaning up messes, and giving him medicine and eye drops. After being shaved, cut, sewed, and a few weeks sporting a cone, he is better.

And I have absolutely ruled out the possibility of a career in veterinary medicine.

The rest of the time, I have enjoyed just being there. Being there for Grant's hockey games, even if they don't win. Being there for my friend so I can babysit her precious baby Tyson and see him grow (and grow and grow . . . he's pretty big). Being there for Young Adult Bible Study and rejoicing at the spiritual growth of my oldest friends. Being there for my parents . . . making Dad eat salad at lunch as we watch The Cosby Show or Newhart and helping my perfectionist Mom pick just the right shade of mat for a framing project. Being with family . . . going to a movie with Gregg and Shandi, swimming with Shandi and her baby Sebastian with his beautiful dark eyes and stubborn mohawk . . . (he's stolen my heart), crib games with Nana and Poppa, driving to the city with Grandma Irene, eating lunch with all my great aunts, hearing about World War Two from Vic and Garda, watching Super Bowl with Michael and repeating the funniest (and inappropriate) jokes from the movie "Guess Who", having God answer my prayer for my disable uncle Kevin who was so sick we didn't know if he would make it . . .

I literally could on forever. I haven't made a cent in the last few months, but I have been so rich. I wouldn't trade this time for anything. I may be acting like I'm retired, but some of these people won't be here when I do retire (if I can ever afford it! Yikes!). Almost every day, I feel inexpressably blessed by my Father in Heaven who cares so much about my measly life on earth.

Right now, I'm in Nickie and Phil's living where if the sky cleared, I would be able to see Mt. Baker. A week ago, I was in Montana hiking with Andy Lytle. Then Heather and I came to Washington and BC where she works with African Children's Choir. I visited Jo and Ben in Vancouver and rode around in Dana's car. I made friends with an English girl named Tamsin. I drove around in Seattle where we met up with Mandy and made it to Josh Popich's wedding in time to change our clothes in the church bathroom. I cried as Josh and Amy became man and wife. I met my friend Rob's beautiful new wife Darann and instantly loved her. I hung out with Matt and Dave, the Coulee Dam boys. And everywhere I've gone, my heart has been full of joy.

And I guess that's one of my prayers for you - that your heart would be full of joy, no matter what your circumstances.

5 comments:

Sarah Gingrich said...

Hey Jen,
I like to hear that you are comfortable in how God is leading you. It sounds like a wonderful time of refreshment, learning, and connection. Blessings! Enjoy! Of course you have a place in our heart; it doesn't take long to think of fond memories with a backdrop of Steamboat Mtn. or flat SK. Thanks for reading my blog, I invest a bit of thought in to it, and am glad to know it's been useful! May our God fill you up with joy and peace and light!!
Love, Sarah

Kjersti said...

I've missed your blogs...I'm glad you're doing it again! You made me miss Frontier this time, but I can totally relate to the rich time of so many little blessings...I'm kind of going through that right now and it's amazing!

Asylum said...

JEN!! Good work! Nice to see ya bloggin again. Alls I have ta say is...well, we pretty much lead identical lives...rock on! Let's get together for tea...like the retired folks that we are.

Melissa said...

It makes me happy that you are enjoying your life right now. I hope you are able to truly soak up all your experiences and time with your friends and family. Keep us posted on how things are going.

Kat said...

Jen, your writing is so nice to read. I mean, I love to hear that things are good...but what I really love is your writing style. You words are kind of soothing and so enjoyable to my brain. haha. I really think you're a talented writer. Just thought I'd share that. I read this blog a couple days after you wrote it and didn't get back to comment until now.
Looking forward to more blogs. ~ katrina